oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
