I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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