Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize