So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
