I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
