Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
