even my farts smell like vagina
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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