I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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