we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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