And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
