His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
