i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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