You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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