made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
