Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize