i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
