I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
