If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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