This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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