wat bout pragnant strippers??
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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