the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
