Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
