just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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