i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
