oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
