You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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