this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
