Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
