I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize