Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
