If i come over, it means nothing
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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