glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
