Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
