For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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