I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
