remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
