Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.