For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night