youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.