And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.