Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night