that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
