I wish you could order shots online.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
