I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
