Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
