By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
