There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you will always have a special place in my vag
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
