I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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