why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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