oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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