you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize