Moan for me like Helen Keller
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
