So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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