my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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