why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
