And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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