Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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