He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
