any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
