you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
